LYRICS:

How do you hide a dead body, that's come to a grisly end?
The coppers have been round asking questions
And it's getting kind of hard to pretend
That the lump in the carpet that's shaped like a person
Is just an old rug that...my gran put a curse on
How do you hide a dead body? We ask on behalf of a...friend

Well our good friend Dwyn, through no fault of his own
Had a corpse that he needed to hide
So he went into his garden and he dug a little hole
And he stuffed that body inside
Then he went down to the tavern for a pie and a pint
To celebrate a job well done
But a gnarly old wolf came along in the night
And it smelt the fresh meat and it thought "Yum yum"
And when Dwyn woke up with a thundering head
He looked out of his window and he nearly raised the dead
Cos the corpse was looking back at him, all chewed up and torn
With a lovely set of entrails all over his lawn

How do you hide a dead body, that's come to a horrible end?
(And then been chewed on by wolves)
The coppers have been round asking questions
And it's getting kind of hard to pretend
That the gut-wrenching smell that’s infesting our house
Is the rotting remains of a...very large mouse
How do you hide a dead body? We ask on behalf of a...friend

A little while later poor Dwyn had a similar problem
That he needed resolving
So he visited the Alchemists and had a lovely chat about acid
And how it's great at dissolving
Then he poured several gallons of it into his bath
Then he chopped up the body and he threw in the meat
Then he stepped back and watched as the acid did its thing
But then it burnt into the floor for about thirty feet
And as Dwyn stood staring at the smouldering pit
He heard an ominous sound and he thought "Oh...sugar lumps"
And the house came crashing down on top of his head,
It's honestly a miracle he isn't now dead

How do you hide a dead body, that's come to a violent end?
(And then you’ve destroyed your house)
The coppers keep coming round with their questions
And it's getting kind of hard to keep up the pretense
That the swarm of black flies coming out of the basement
Are...very small demons on a...planar exchange placement
How do you hide a dead body? We ask on behalf of a...friend

So by this point poor Dwyn was becoming concerned
That his fortunes were now inauspicious
For after a number of misunderstandings
The neighbours were getting suspicious
They whispered in shadows and stared in the streets
And he knew that he'd have to take measures
So he invited everyone to a huge party
For feasting and dancing and pleasures
But while they cavorted inside the great hall
A horrible accident would tragically befall
The building caught on fire and the door became stuck
And everybody perished, what terrible luck...

How do you hide a dead village, that's come to a crispy fried end?
(And you’re definitely not responsible)
The coppers keep turning up on what’s left of our doorstep
And it's getting really hard to make the stubborn bastards believe
That everyone went on a very long journey
But we stayed behind to eat all this...beef jerky
That’s how you hide a dead body.
Be sure to tell all of your friends!

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