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King Kazoo

from Purple Shame by Granny and The Boon

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about

A factually accurate account of one of the greatest figures in goblin history. Although "greatest" is very much a relative term...

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lyrics

LYRICS:

Long long ago when the egg was young
All the goblins gathered for a feast of fungus
Lowly creatures, shunned by the world
And afraid of everything
But one had a plan that would change the state
Of the fate of the fledgling goblin nation
He would win them the world through war
And they would crown him King...
King Kazoo

Now King Kazoo was a bright young thing
And he took all the tribes underneath his wing
He gave them courage, gave them hope
For a brand new goblin dawn
So his army trained on a frozen plain
In the burning sun and the pouring rain
And every goblin cheered at the sound
Of the High King's mighty horn...

All rallied round at the sound of the High King's horn
King Kazoo, the bringer of the goblin dawn

So King Kazoo led his army true
And they marched to the walls of an elven city
There arrayed, the elves dismayed
At the horde that shook the ground
And the King stepped forth and proclaimed aloud
"No more will the goblins be your slaves
We've had enough of your bullying ways
So we're gonna stab you all in the face!!"

Elves ran around at the sound of the High King's horn
King Kazoo, the bringer of the goblin dawn

So the goblins charged but it didn't go well
Yes the battle was short and mostly un-remembered
Turns out Kazoo wasn't very good at war
So everyone was tragically and brutally dismembered

Charged to their deaths at the sound of the High King's horn
King Kazoo, a second rate goblin spawn

So Kazoo was dead but his legacy
Will remain with us for eternity
His holy horn, a reminder of
The perils of goblin mediocrity

And this sacred object of great cultural significance
Which is awarded to young goblin bards
As a highly ceremonial gesture
Has been ruthlessly stolen and unashamedly exploited
By an unscrupulous entertainer
Who’s always dressed up like a jester..

Lester the minister of cultural appropriation
The blue and yellow Jester of the please-don't-kill-us Viper nation
You're clearly rich and famous so we want some bloody reparations
From Lester the minister of cultural appropriation

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credits

from Purple Shame, released August 19, 2018
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TRACK CREDITS:

Lyrics and music by Andy Tucker and Sammi Searle

Performed by:

-- Andy Tucker - Vocals, Guitar, Kazoo

-- Sammi Searle - Vocals, Keyboard, Ukulele, Kazoo

-- Phil Callan - Percussion

Recorded, produced, mixed and mastered by Phil Callan at Red Banner Studios

Sound effects provided by "Pfranzen" via freesound.org

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license

all rights reserved

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about

Granny and The Boon image

Granny and The Boon London, UK

The tyrannical Granny Amanita and her long suffering sidekick Boondoggle are maladjusted goblins from the magical world of Erdreja. Born into a life of slavery, they have now tasted sweet freedom and are out to make the most of it!
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Granny and Boondoggle are fictional characters from the Lorien Trust Live Roleplaying System. These songs are based on the peculiar world and stories of that game. ... more

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